Doggin' It (Dog People)

A neighbor was hosting happy hour recently when one of the guests showed up with her dog. It was a little yappy, high-energy thing. She called him Andre. Had a real dog been around, he could have been called Entrée.

The dog was not on a leash, immediately ran into the house, ran around all available legs, human and otherwise, hopped unto laps on the sofa, and generally, made itself at home.

“How cute”, thinks the dog’s owner.

“What the ****”, thinks anyone with any manners.

Was the dog invited? It wasn’t. Did you ask if you could bring your dog? You didn’t. In fact, had you asked, the host didn’t want the dog in the house, period. At what point in your development did you assume that because you love your dog, everyone else will, too?

I blame the world wide web.

Here’s what you’ve posted on social media in the last couple of days:

- your dog lying on the floor
- your dog lying on the couch
- your dog in the yard
- your dog in your lap
- your dog “smiling” (No, it’s not. Sorry.)

I have a friend that posts a picture of her dog every time she goes to the lake. She uses the hashtag #lakedog. And it’s always exciting stuff. “He’s tired!” (sleeping). Then here he is on a boat, a float, sleeping again, awake with tongue hanging out, standing, chewing a toy. 

Another friend and I were meeting for dinner recently. She set the time at eight o’clock because her Layla was graduating from obedience school. I was trying to argue that we should meet earlier.

“Honey, do you think she knows it’s graduation night”, I asked in my best condescending voice.

“Come on. She’s worked so hard. She deserves to graduate.”, says (former) friend.

As I am putting this article together, an acquaintance from Texas has posted a picture of his dog asleep on the bed. Did he take that photo because it’s cute? He would say, “yes”.

I will tell you the truth: the dog is lying on its back and everything it has is exposed for all the world to see. That’s really why the picture was taken. I can’t really tell, but I’m guessing his dog is a pointer.

I can’t take it! Look at that picture of your dog you just posted. Who do you think is interested, people?

Oh, it might make your mom grin, seeing what her ‘granddog’ is up to, but the rest of us are just seeing a dog lying on the floor. Get a real life! Including not referring to that dog as your granddog, grandma! 

I’ve concluded, though, that I don’t hate dogs. I hate their owners!!

I’m running out of exclamation points. And friends, I suspect. I’m OK with that. My pretend friends don’t have dogs.