Know Any Lawyer Jokes?

What happened to the law profession? Seriously.

One of my best friends for the last 45 years of my life is a lawyer. I recall us many years ago discussing then-upcoming changes that would finally allow attorneys to advertise. Being employed in radio, a medium that makes its money off advertising, I was all for it. My buddy was not. He felt like it would cheapen the profession.

Boy, did he ever get that right.

Television shows today are filled with ads featuring attorneys screaming, dancing, rapping, flipping, standing on top of vehicles, bragging about how much money they’ve won for clients and positioning themselves as courtroom badasses, all in an attempt to get you to go after ‘your share, what you are owed.’

Attorneys and law firms spend enormous amounts of money trying to convince you that if your life is inconvenienced by any little nuance, you may be entitled to a settlement.

You are the victim. You are the aggrieved. You deserve to get some money. It’s your right! Fight for your right! Sue somebody!

Forget the fact that there are ever-increasingly more bodies on this earth in ever-increasingly crowded spaces. Forget that fact that accidents happen, that we bump into one another from time to time. Nowadays, you best bump into someone else, hoss, ‘cause if you so much as look at me cross-eyed, I’m gonna call the strong man of the law, and he is going to take you downtown! He done said so on TV!

Didn’t the law profession have some dignity at one time? What went wrong? Did lawyers just wake up one day and say, “you know what? Screw dignity. There’s a 30% commission to be made. Let us go forth as sue-ers and find us some sue-ees!”

Lawyering has always been a bit of a put-upon profession. I suppose that’s because lawyers have always been involved in settling disputes. And in settling disputes, there’s usually a losing side.

Ever wondered why every single thing we buy these days has so much paperwork attached to it? Why coffee from the drive-through has warnings that it’s hot? Why Apple’s website tells you not to eat your iPod Shuffle? Why there’s a warning on the toy scooter that tells you ‘this product moves when used?’ Why the department store puts up a sign warning you not to chew gum from the urinal?

It’s the same reason your insurance premiums keep going up. Every time someone wins in court, someone else pays.

I do realize that the practice of law covers many areas not associated with personal injury. There are many good lawyers doing many good works (I’m told). There are lawyers that wouldn’t sue someone even if you had a legitimate case, because that’s not what they do.

What we’re addressing here are TV lawyers, attorneys that spend wads of cash to convince you that you’ve been victimized. To my mind, the practice of personal injury attorneys has entered the same space occupied by payday loaning and title pawning.

Dick, the butcher, in Shakespeare’s Henry The Sixth said, “First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” If ol’ Dick had followed through, I’m thinkin’ television viewing would be a lot more tolerable today.

Disclaimer: if you have been offended by this article, you may be entitled to a settlement. Call 1-800-LETS SUE.