A Dog's Tail

Dear Human:

Thanks for choosing these people to leave me with while you are gone.

It’s been most satisfying being with another guy, something I don’t get living with you and the other female dog in our house. There’s another word for her, but I’m way too polite for that. Although, that sometimes makes two of you. Just sayin’.

It’s tough being the only guy in the house.

I gotta tell you, you’re way too hyper, wanting to play with me and take me on walks all the time. Maybe I didn’t realize that sooner because you’re about all I’ve ever known, but these people you left me with are flat-out slugs.

I’m learning it’s a lifestyle that suits me just fine, thank you. If I could get that guy with the large nose to bring my food and sit it down in front of my face, I wouldn’t have to move all day.

Except for bathroom breaks, of course.

I have especially enjoyed being with a man who appreciates that you don’t just ‘poop in the woods.’ You must first frolic amongst the ferns until you come to just the right spot. Fortunately, none of the neighbors have been around this week, so as I have visited their yards, I have been the gift that keeps on giving.

I feel like I have enriched the lives of these people you left me with. They have this retarded cardinal that visits every – and I do mean every – morning starting promptly at 6:30 a.m. He makes a lot of racket jousting with his reflection in the plate glass doors. This goes on all day!

I have taken it upon myself to investigate his behavior, and I see fear in his eyes when I approach the door. He keeps coming back, but as I make an appearance, *poof* he’s gone. Meantime, he makes a real mess on the glass doors. We haven’t got all that figured out yet.

So you’ll know, expect some changes as we reunite.

To start with, I no longer wish to be called Scruffy. From the day you rescued me from the shelter, I’ve thought that name was just a little too cute. You have several options I like better. There’s Scruffarious, which combines my name with ‘nefarious.’ Makes you think I might be up to something (besides eating and sleeping).

I also like The Scruffinator. Sounds tough. But I actually prefer to be called by my ‘rap’ name, Scruff-nacious.

Specifically, Scruffnacious D. The ‘D’ is for dog, of course.

Finally, I will no longer be your “little guy.” I’m part husky, for heaven’s sake. I am not just a dog, I’m a dog with a mission. Right now, my mission is to take a nap.

Later,

Scruffnacious D